My alarm clock and I broke up.

It kept bringing up old times.

The broom earned a promotion.

It swept the competition.

Nobody understood the window's complaint.

It was in too much pane.

"What did the tie say to the hat?"

"You go on ahead; I'll hang around."

"What did the light bulb say to the switch?"

"You turn me on."

"What did the stamp say to the envelope?"

"Stick with me and we'll go places."

"How do trains hear announcements?"

"Through their engineers."

"What did one wall say to the other wall?"

"I'll meet you at the corner."

"How do billboards communicate?"

"They use sign language."

"What does a house wear?"

"Address."

What do you call a ghost's mistake?

A boo-boo.

What do you call an opener that cannot open a can?

A can't opener.

My new belt is made entirely of watches.

It is a waist of time.

The paper shop received a terrible review.

Its products were tearable.

Sleeping comes naturally to me.

I can do it with my eyes closed.

The inventor of the door knocker received an unusual award.

It was the No-bell Prize.

The calendar is worried about its future.

Its days are numbered.

My suitcase heard that our trip was canceled.

Now it has emotional baggage.